Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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