I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
