Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
