What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
