He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
