MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
