okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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