This is not my ceiling
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
