i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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