Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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