It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
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