fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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