Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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