I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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