my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
We had to coat check the pizza.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Randomize
