While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
