I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Randomize
