yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
