the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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