there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
