That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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