Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
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