Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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