Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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