my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize