Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
