i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
