Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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