i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
