@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize