What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
