Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
