This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
