Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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