I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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