this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
