So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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