Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
