my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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