About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
i think my cat just said my name.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
