Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
