Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
