so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
He keeps bees of course he's weird
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
