We're like a lot better than the average bears
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I just had sex on a roof
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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