Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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