I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Randomize
