Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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