her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
