Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
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