dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
