Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I could make wine with my vomit
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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