So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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