what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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