i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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