So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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