Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Randomize
