My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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