maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Randomize
