i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
