So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
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i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
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After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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