Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
