Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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