it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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