his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
