I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize