is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
